Dancing with the Devil
by aBeautifulLiar
Summary: It had been almost two years since he broke her heart; he expected her to have moved on, he was not expecting his ex-girlfriend to be dancing around a stripper pole, or for her to come stumbling in drunk with a guy she had just met.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee – but a girl can dream, right?**

**Dancing with the Devil**

**Prologue**

Rachel Barbara Berry prided herself on being strong, she both loved and hated the fact that she could love _so _much. She had loved Finn Christopher Hudson so much – she had imagined a life with him; their wedding day, their children, retiring together, spending their whole lives in love. She had even imagined a life where she gave up New York, she gave up Broadway, and she gave everything to him.

And now here she was, practically on her knees, tears falling down her face as she begged for him to not break up with her. She realized how pathetic she looked but she couldn't bring herself to care as she held on him, not ready to let go of the love they shared. She knew freshman year of college had been difficult, she understood why he felt as though he couldn't go through it again but she wanted to make him see things her way – it was better to have each other and be long distance, rather than not have each other at all. But the boy wasn't budging, he had made his decision already, Rachel could see that.

Her heart broke as he walked away, and she finally fell to her knees, ignoring the sickening crack when her bare knees hit the concrete. She sobbed harder than she ever had before, her arms wrapping around herself as she cried. They had celebrated their two year anniversary just a two months before, they had been so _happy _and now it was gone. She sobbed louder as she thought of the summer; it had been so perfect, so full of love and now it was over because he was too scared to go another college year without them being in the same state.

She hated him in that moment. She hated him for being so damn weak, for giving up so easily. She wanted to run after him, slap him, push him, scream at him for giving up on her so easily, for not having enough faith in their relationship to trust either of them enough to be away from each other for so long. She wanted to punch him, she wanted to make him feel as much pain as she was feeling right then, she _needed _him to feel what he had done to her. She shook her head, wiping her tears away angrily, struggling to stand up as she finally noticed the blood that was falling in droplets down her knees, she sighed and rested against the nearest wall. Nothing was going her way tonight.

She closed her eyes, sliding down against the wall, another sob escaping her lips as she pressed her head into her knees, not caring about the amount of pain she could feel in the movement. She wanted to go to New York and start all over again, forget about Finn, move on with her life, be someone different. She loved too much, which meant she hurt too much, as well. She sobbed harder, she wanted to stop hurting so much, she longed to live a life where when someone broke her heart, she wouldn't fall into a state of depression. She wanted to be like Santana – strong, independent, confident and ignorant to the pains of a true heart-break.

The next day she walked into the airport, with Kurt by her side – he had commented on her slight limp a few times already, and she had responded with a glare, not trusting herself to say anything in case she broke down again. She just wanted to go to New York, and never return to Lima. She would apologize to her parents – but she knew if they wanted to see her, they would come to New York; the only reason she ever went back to Lima was to spend time with Finn, and his family at Christmas. And now that was over for good. 'It's time to grow up' she thought to herself, realizing that as long as she had been with Finn, she hadn't needed to change like Kurt had once he and Blaine decided it was best to go their own ways at least until Blaine made up his mind on where he would go for college. As it turned out, Blaine had decided to go to California, and although neither of them made a decision to wait for each other, they had decided that if they were both single in four years, they would find their way back to each other. Rachel frowned at the memory, Finn hadn't even bothered to make her such a promise, just a simple goodbye and nothing else. No promise of when we finish college, no acknowledgement, it was just two years of a strong, loving relationship chucked away just like that.

Kurt kept his eye on the girl throughout the flight, but she kept her headphones in to avoid any conversation with him – he was her best friend, but he was too blunt and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to cope with that yet. Maybe one day. She felt a rush of happiness, and a sense of security when they got out of the airport, and into the New York air. She couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face, when she realized that this truly was her home – she felt safe here, she felt as though she could get over Finn and move on with her life. She found herself wishing she had chosen New York two years ago, instead of thinking she could have both.

It was a sense of relief when they got to their two bedroom apartment that was so close to NYU – neither of them had gotten into NYADA but in the end, they decided they wouldn't let that ruin their New York dreams, and ended up doing Musical Theatre in NYU. Rachel smiled at the small, but homely apartment as she made her way into her bedroom, quickly taking down any photographs she had of her and Finn, removing all the memories she held of him, putting them all in a bag which she chucked in the back of her cupboard – she wanted to move on, but so many memories were hard to chuck away that easily.

She frowned at her reflection when she finally made the decision to look at herself in the large mirror she had in her room – her face was pale, her eyes red and watery, a look of defeat on her face. She looked _sick. _She shook her head at the sight, running her fingers through her hair – Finn _loved _her long hair, he always reminded her to never cut any of it off because he loved to run his fingers through it after they made love, or whenever he held her on the couch during a movie. So, like the good girlfriend she had longed to be, she kept it long just for him.

She gave the reflection a small smirk before grabbing a pair of scissors from her drawers, not hesitating to chop off her hair to just below her ear for now – she would go to the hairdressers to make it more choppy later, but it would do for now. It was just one thing she could use to erase that boy from her mind.

She finally took a deep breath, tearing her eyes away from the reflection as she made her way to her cupboard, angrily chucking out every single sweater she owned, every single school-girl-chic skirt that she had, every shirt she had stolen of Finn's. She chucked it all on the floor, before chucking them all into a bag, storming from her bedroom to take the clothes immediately to the garbage disposal. She ignored Kurt's voice as he followed her outside, his eyes widening at the sight of her favourite sweater being chucked in with the garbage. "Finally." He muttered to himself, before his eyes caught sight of her hair. "How much destruction can you possibly do in like.. ten minutes?" He sighed and grabbed her hand,

"Come on, you need an emergency hair appointment." She just nodded at him, not saying a word as they made their way out of the apartment, her mind focusing on what Finn loved about her, what she needed to change. She reminded herself that she wasn't doing this for him, but for herself. She wasn't going to be that little girl who people kept reminding her how she needed to grow up, she wanted to be someone that the people in her class wanted to hang out with – they made fun of her 'no drinking' policy until she was twenty one, they had rolled her eyes at how unrealistic it was and she had just refused to go out with them. They all hated her – she heard them say that she thought that she was too good to hang out with them, once. She was going to prove them how wrong that judgement was.

She was going to prove that she didn't need a man to love her, she didn't need to be loved, she didn't need to love. She wouldn't hurt. She didn't _need _Finn Hudson.


	2. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, as much as I like to believe I do. **

**Dancing With The Devil**

**Chapter One**

Rachel let her hands wrap around the pole, before jumping up onto it gracefully, wrapping her thighs around the metal before spinning around it twice. She smirked as she jumped, quickly catching onto the pole with her hands, holding herself up, before spreading her legs, hearing the moans and shouts of pleasure from the guys in the crowd, money being chucked on the stage as she continued with her well-practised routine before slowly, teasingly sliding down the pole.

Once her feet touched solid ground, she moved to centre stage, slowly taking the remaining clothes she had off, leaving her in nothing but her panties and a pair of stockings. She let guys touch her as she walked past them, winking at them, her hips swaying to the music. Her routine was perfected after almost two years of being on the same stage, and she found herself strangely proud of the fact that guys sometimes came here just to see _her. _

She grinned when the music ended, giving one last shake of her hips before moving backstage, getting re-dressed. "Rachel, there's a guy in room one who requested a private dance from you." She nodded and flicked her hair back, checking her reflection quickly before walking to room one.

It was at three in the morning when she finally stumbled from the bar, having finished work two hours ago – she had decided against going to the apartment she still shared with Kurt, because another lecture would more than likely occur about how she should have been home, how she should have been in bed already because she had college in the morning. It was like living with her _father. _

She giggled and held onto the man she had just met, placing a sloppy kiss on his lips, gripping onto him when he pulled her closer. "My place." She slurred, walking with him, glad that her apartment was not very far from her apartment. She grinned when he gripped onto her hips, his tongue darting along her neck as they climbed the stairs. She finally staggered into the small two bedroom apartment she had shared since she and Kurt had arrived in New York over three years ago, not even noticing the 'party' he had going on as she turned around to bring the guy closer, kissing him deeply as he pressed her against the wall.

"Rachel?"

~ .. ~

Kurt sighed, knocking Rachel's bedroom door before opening it, seeing the empty bed once again. He needed a chance to tell her about the Glee reunion that he had arranged – everyone was coming to New York, so they could all catch up and he hadn't even gotten a chance to warn Rachel. They had all stayed in contact over the years, apart from Rachel. Every time someone asked about her, he would have to avoid all questions because he was _ashamed, _not just of her and this new Rachel that had taken over, but of himself for letting it get this far.

He shook his head and frowned, shutting the bedroom door before turning around to look around the empty apartment. He knew he should have asked someone for help, but two years ago he honestly thought it was a bad reaction to her break-up, and then when she started taking drugs, he convinced himself that it was a phase, and by the time he finally realized it was so much more than Finn breaking her heart, it was too late. And he was too scared to finally admit to people that he needed help to deal with Rachel.

He took a deep breath, wanting to avoid any questions anyone had about Rachel, knowing this wouldn't work. The former Glee club would be in New York for a week, and he knew most of that would be spent in this very apartment – the apartment where Rachel lived too.

He had been excited about catching up with everyone finally, but now he was dreading it. And by the time for them to all arrive had come, he was panicking about how much they would hate him for not asking for help. He tried to convince himself that Rachel was a grown adult, and she had to make her own decisions in life but he felt responsible for the girl who was supposed to be his best friend; even though they had both quickly fallen into just the 'room mate' relationship for the past two years.

He was glad the topic hadn't even be approached, none of them even realizing the time as they caught up on each other's lives. He was happy to know Tina and Mike were going to be married soon, Sam and Mercedes were expecting their first child, Quinn and Puck had finally accepted their feelings for each other and were even allowed Beth over once a week and Santana and Brittany were still happy together. He caught up on all their lives, giving only brief details on his own as he tried to avoid eye contact with Blaine – they had both decided their promise to each other was too much last year, and had quickly ended their 'friends with benefits' status to avoid any more heart-break.

It was Santana who finally approached the subject they had all been trying to avoid – there was only one member of the Glee club who hadn't kept in contact with everyone, and it was Rachel. Everyone else had the odd phone-call, or the odd visit, they always tried to make the effort, but Rachel hadn't been heard from since the day she left for New York after her and Finn had broken up. "Where is Rachel? Does she live with you anymore?"

Kurt sighed and nodded, "She does live with me, but she's never here. She does her own things these days." Everyone noticed the way he suddenly closed up, chewing on his lower lip as he tried to avoid any further questioning, avoiding his brother's gaze. Kurt knew that Finn was always going to be in his life, he was his brother but he had never been able to forgive him for breaking Rachel Berry. Rachel was his best friend, she had been the one to go to New York with him, the girl still meant to much to him but she was broken, and he could only blame Finn for that.

Finn looked down the moment Rachel's name was mentioned, he had been meaning to ask about her all night, he always asked when Kurt came home for holidays, but he felt wrong in front of the group – he was pretty sure that Puck, Mercedes, Kurt and Quinn were still mad at him for breaking the girls heart.

Santana never got hints though, "Where does she go?" Kurt groaned and rubbed his eyes,

"Look, guys.. I have something to tell you.. she's not the Rachel she was in high school, okay?" He ignored the 'thank god' that came from Santana, shooting her a glare, "She's different, she's hurting and she's changed so much and.." He didn't get to finish, when the door slammed open, revealing Rachel and some random guy. "Not again." He muttered, slowly moving to stand up. "Rachel."

She finally turned to look at them all, giggling, "Oh, a family reunion! How fucking adorable." She rolled her eyes and stumbled off towards her bedroom,

"What the fuck, Berry?" Puck stood up, glaring at the man behind her as he stood in front of the door he assumed to be her bedroom. "Fuck off, dude." Quinn looked at her husband-to-be and shook her head,

"Puck, don't get involved." She looked from the man to Puck, and then over at Kurt who had visibly paled. She bit down on her lip, knowing this wasn't just a one time thing, Rachel Berry really wasn't the same girl she had been in high school. She glanced at Finn who was looking down at the ground, and she ignored the part of her that was telling her to feel sorry for the guy. "You did this." She hissed, before standing up.

Blaine was the next to stand up, along with Santana who was ready to go all 'Lima Heights Adjacent' on the guy in question, her eyes warning him as he slowly backed off. "Bitch, I want my stash back." He looked over at Rachel who just rolled her eyes,

"You know, you really should learn to wait until after I _fuck you _before you give me your stuff. Let it be a lesson for the future." The Glee club were in shock, their eyes darting from Rachel to the red-faced man, who was stopped from lunging at her by Puck, Blaine and Mike. Rachel just stood her ground and as Quinn looked on, she wasn't sure what she was more scared of – the lack of fear, or of any reaction from Rachel, or the fact that this guy looked about ready to murder the girl.

"How much does she owe you, man?" Mike pushed him back towards the door,

"Sixty bucks, the bitch." Mike didn't hesitate before pulling the money from his wallet, chucking it at the stranger, who just shot one more warning glance over at Rachel before walking out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

"Fuck, Rach.." Puck ran a hand through his mohawk,shaking his head in shock and disappointment, moving quickly over to Quinn, to wrap his arms around her. She wrapped her own arms around him, trying to calm him down.

"Give me the drugs, Rachel." Kurt was the next to break the shocked silence of the room that had been so full of laughter and chatter before Rachel had arrived, "Give them to me now." His voice was firm, as though he was speaking to a naughty child, holding out his hand as Rachel just glared at him.

"Leave me alone." She muttered, trying to barge past him but Santana moved to hold the girl in a vice-like grip, "Give him the fucking drugs, Berry. Don't push me." Kurt didn't miss a moment as he searched through the girl's pockets, pulling out a small bag,

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing this?" Blaine took the bag from his ex-boyfriend's hand, moving to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet. The rest of the group remained in the main room, all of them too astounded to even speak, none of them believing that this was the Rachel Berry that had bossed them around in high school, that this was the Rachel Berry that led them to their first win at Nationals during her senior year.

Brittany just looked at the girl, being the first to fully take in her attire – a barely there skirt, and a top that showed her stomach. She was leaving _nothing _to the imagination. Rachel struggled in Santana's arms, finally getting away from her to face up to Kurt, "Stop telling me what to do. We live together, you're not my fucking friend. You're nothing more than someone I have to live with, got it?" Her words were bitter, the only thing giving her away being the tears in her eyes before she turned around, entering her bedroom to slam the door behind her.

Kurt flinched, tears falling down his face before he moved over to the couch, sinking down to his previous seat, holding a cushion close to his chest. "What happened to her?" Quinn whispered, taking her own seat next to him, thinking she already knew the answer as she looked over to Finn, who still hadn't looked up from the floor.

"She just.. I don't know.. I thought it was because of Finn, so I let it go on for a while and now it's been two years and I just think.. she's just _lost. _She just can't find any reason to be the way she used to be.. s-she sleeps around, she takes drugs, she gets drunk pretty much every night, the goes to her classes but that's the only thing she keeps up. It's by some miracle that she's made it through." He wiped his eyes, sighing, "She works as a stripper... and it kills me to see how much she is hurting but there is nothing I can do about it because I left it too late. I was too scared to ask for help because Rachel is her own person, you know? But I know if I had intervened, maybe this would be so different."

Artie frowned and shook his head, "Dude, this isn't your fault. Rachel made her own decisions.." There was a grumble of agreement throughout the group, but most of them remained silent.

Sam finally looked up, his hand in Mercedes, "She.. when I was working as a stripper.. she was telling me that I was better than that.. why doesn't she believe the same for herself?" He sighed, looking at the closed bedroom door. Finn remained silent, tears falling down his face, not being able to move.

"I-I broke up with her because I thought.. I thought she deserved so much more than me. I'm destined to stay in Lima, working as a mechanic.. or as the next football coach.. s-she was destined for so much more so I had to let her go.. I had to, because I couldn't move to New York because I'm not good enough, and I wouldn't let her settle in Lima..." It was the first time he had said the truth out loud, gulping before looking up to see the faces of those who were best friends with the couple.

"You broke her heart." Kurt whispered, "You had good intentions but you broke her heart.. and I don't know how to get _our _Rachel back, I don't know if it's too late or if I have to be patient. I don't know what to do, Finn. You need to fix this." Kurt bit down on his lip, looking over at the bedroom door, wanting nothing more than to have the Broadway crazed diva as his room-mate again.

The boy could only nod, "She had a miscarriage." He winced at the memory, "She was only eighteen, and I realized that if.. if she had the baby, or if we continued.. i-it might happen again and she would be stuck in Lima and it would be all my fault." He sniffed, wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve, "We didn't tell anyone because.. it hurt too much to even think about. Rachel wanted to try and move on, but it was proving impossible. I had to do what was best for her."

There was a long silence, before Quinn spoke up, "She lost the baby? And then you _broke __up _with her?" Her eyes flashed with anger at the other boy, and Puck tightened his arms around her, shaking his head.

"It was for the best." Finn repeated, looking defeated,

"Clearly fucking not." Santana shot back at him, the only thing stopping her from lunging at the boy being Brittany's hand on her arm, offering comfort to calm down the angry girl. She sat back, just glaring at the boy, shaking her head as she muttered Spanish curse words under her breath.

"Fix this." Mercedes repeated Kurt's words from earlier, looking over at Finn with a sympathetic look for the first time, giving him a small smile when he nodded, biting down on his lip. He had no idea how much damage control it would take to fix two years of pain, two years of changing her whole personality. He sighed, blaming himself for the mess, knowing that even if Rachel wanted him far away from her, he could be the only person to fix the mess he had created.

"I'll try." He whispered, not being able to say anything else, the whole group falling into complete and utter silence once more, all of them thinking about the diva that was in the room across from them.


	3. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: See last few chapters. **

**Dancing With The Devil**

**Chapter Two**

_Rachel smiled at Finn when he put a hand on her stomach, before he gently placed a kiss on her bare skin, "I know you're like, really, really tiny right now but I'm your daddy.. me and your mommy are going to take good care of you." He grinned up at his girlfriend who beamed back at him, her hand in his hair. _

_They both knew they were young, and with Rachel going to New York and going to college, they knew it would be difficult but they had made a plan – Rachel would return to New York, and Finn would follow her out of there. Her fathers and his own parents had put as much money together as they could to get Rachel and Kurt an apartment near to their college, so living costs would just be bills and he would begin training to be a Paramedic – he and Rachel had decided upon this last year when Finn hadn't got into any colleges, before they knew she was pregnant. Eventually, he would join the fire service but until then, he needed money for the baby and mommy. _

_He moved up to kiss her lips, "Are you still in pain?" He whispered against her lips, pulling away slightly to play with her hair. Rachel had been experiencing stomach pain all day, and although he was worried, she told him it was normal and it wasn't severe. She nodded a little, pushing him off her gently so she could sit up. _

_He had never moved quicker as he dived down in front of her when she screamed in pain, her eyes closing tight before her hand flew to her stomach, gasping. "Lay back down, baby.." He murmured, going to move her back down before he noticed the blood. "R-Rachel.." He shook his head in shock and quickly picked her up, not hesitating to run to his car and drive her to the hospital. His eyes glanced to his pale faced girlfriend, every time she winced in pain, a look of pure panic on his face. _

Rachel gasped and woke up, tears running down her face at the memory as she gasped for air, feeling another panic attack come on. She shook her head, trying to calm herself down before she got out of bed, only glancing at her reflection before she got changed. She decided she would take a shower at the club, before her shift instead of having to face any of the people that were probably in the sitting room outside her bedroom. She was quiet in her movements as she left the apartment, throwing her hair in a messy bun as she walked down the stairs, trying to push back the nightmare, and the shock of seeing Finn again.

She sighed in relief when the ice cold air hit her, as she slowly made her way to college, determined to stay away from the apartment as long as Finn and the others were there. She knew the day would come when she would have to face them all again, it was bad enough having to live with Kurt who constantly reminded her of her old self, and of her past. She closed her eyes, deciding against going to class, walking past the college and towards the park. Sometimes, she found herself looking at Kurt, jealousy running through her veins. Not because of what he had, or what he achieved but because she could have been him if she hadn't royally fucked up.

_'You remind me of me, and how fucked up I can be'_ She smiled a little at the words, happy to know that Rachel Barbara Berry still existed in her somewhere, happy that the first lyrics that came to mind were always Broadway ones. She ran her fingers through her hair, sitting on a bench as she tried to forget all about Finn and the other friends she had stopped any contact with. She wanted them all to just leave her alone like they had done for the past two years, the endless phone calls had stopped after a month, and she knew Kurt had been reluctant in answering any questions about her. He was disappointed in her, he was scared of her and what she was capable of and to be honest, she couldn't blame him.

She sighed, thinking about the past two years and how much she had completely and utterly fucked everything up. Freshman year had been amazing, and then the miscarriage happened and everything went down from there. She had been depressed, she blamed herself, and then she was angry because she was sure Finn should have been more upset than he was. And then when he announced he wasn't coming to New York, she was pissed off because it meant he had been going to New York for the baby only, and now the baby was gone, he no longer had anything to go there for. And then he broke her heart and she knew that she would never be the innocent girl he had fallen in love with again.

She let a tear fall at her thoughts, biting down on her lip before she could break down, looking down at the floor. She had returned to New York, determined to show everyone that Rachel didn't need Finn to make her complete, she was determined to show everyone including Finn that without him, she was perfectly fine. It was a friend who introduced her to the job as a dancer when she was tight on money, barely scraping enough money to pay for the bills. She had been unsure, but had told herself that the old Rachel would have said no, and would have never spoken to the other girl again. She had to be different, so she tried it and she enjoyed it.

The sleeping around thing was something she was ashamed of, as much as she tried to hide the shame by sarcasm, she had never wanted to become that type of person. But the first time she had done it had been the first time she forgot about Finn, even if it was just for an hour or so. And so that continued, and in the end, she didn't relate sex to Finn, she barely thought about him.

She wasn't a drug addict, as much as Kurt thought she was, she used drugs to take the edge off sometimes or if someone offered it but she never went out of her way to get hold of any. She took them on occasion, but she would never say she was addicted to them in any way. But at the same time, she had never let Kurt think otherwise.

The drunk was a problem, she would never admit that out loud but she needed the drink to even get through a day. She would never call herself an alcoholic because she never needed it enough that she couldn't function physically, it was emotionally. She felt drained by the end of the night, and the alcohol was something that made her feel alive, made her feel like she could do anything despite the fact she was hiding behind her depression.

She sighed and wiped her tears with the back of her hand, standing up from the bench, taking a deep breath before she began walking. She had heard them all last night, begging Finn to fix her, as though he was the only problem. She wished it could be that easy – it was an ideal story, right? Finn broke her, he comes back to find a shell of the girl he broke for what he thought to be all the right reasons, and he tells her he loves her and they work on their life together and suddenly, she's happy again and she's going to be okay. It was how it always seemed to work out.

But this ran deeper than Finn. It ran beyond the miscarriage, beyond the many times he hurt her and the times she hurt him. It ran beyond Jesse St. James cracking that egg over her head. It was so much more than boys, and she found herself hating those people she called friends for so long for assuming that Finn was the reason. Yes, she had to admit, he was the reason she had finally let go of all the self-control she had for so long, but he was not the reason she was so _broken. _

Her dads broke her. Shelby broke her. Jesse broke her. Mr Shue broke her. The Glee club broke her. The people at school broke her. Finn broke her. The miscarriage broke her. But she had never let it get on top of her because she couldn't become a Lima Loser, she had to get out of there and show everyone that Rachel Berry was so much more than them. So she continued as though she wasn't breaking every single day, Finn helped to heal her, and it was only with him that she felt completely safe (the third time around) and then he had just put the final crack in. _That _was when she finally allowed herself to break.

How many times could one person possibly be rejected before they finally just broke-down? How many times could a person love someone, only to have that thrown back in their face? How many times could she take the pressure that came from her dads before she finally admitted defeat?

~ .. ~

_Four Days Later_

Kurt paced around the sitting room, his arms crossed as he heard the rest of the group speak about where Rachel could possibly be. She hadn't come home since they heard her go out four days ago, and he was terrified that something had happened to the girl. He sighed and moved to sit on the chair, his head in his hands. "I think I'm going to go the place she works at.." Puck muttered, shaking his head at Quinn who glared at him.

"Not because of that, I won't look, I promise.. I just.. it's our best bet, right?" He sighed and kissed Quinn on the nose, frowning, "Finn, come with me." He looked beyond the girl at the other boy, who just shook his head, panic clear on his face.

"I-I can't see her on that stage, I can't..." He shook his head quickly, his face pale as he thought about Rachel prancing around on the stage, her legs wrapped around a pole. He closed his eyes tight at the thought, not being able to believe that she was doing that to herself. The Rachel Berry he had fallen in love with so long ago would have never even thought about exposing herself in that way.

"Tough shit, you're coming, Hudson. You can fix this." Finn sighed and stood up, walking out with the other boy. Leaving the rest of the group behind them, who all just sat there in complete silence, holding onto their respective partners before Kurt looked up from the ground, tears falling down his face,

"Can Finn really fix this?" He whispered, everyone contemplating the question in silence, Santana slowly shaking her head as she thought about it.

Finn and Puck walked into the club, both of them gulping at the thought of seeing someone they both loved so much (in rather different ways) on that stage. Puck couldn't believe that the girl he went to temple with so long ago had turned into someone he didn't even recognise anymore. He had always just assumed that she would be in New York, happy with or without Finn, and she would be sending them invites to her Broadway début pretty soon.

They both looked around, shaking their heads in disbelief when they saw her walk onto the stage in something that could not be passed as underwear. Finn bit his lip at the skilful way she wrapped her legs around the pole, wanting to look away but not being able to keep his eyes off the girl who had always been so perfect to him. He noticed how much her body had changed in two years – she had always been thin, but he could see her ribs jutting out of her skin, her collar bone and cheek bones more prominent now. She had a tattoo on her hip, and he couldn't help but notice how much bigger her breasts looked when she took the bra off.

He gulped, _did she get a boob job?_ He thought to himself, breaking out of his thought pattern when Puck jabbed him in the side, glaring at him. "We're here to bring her home, not to stare." He nodded, moving towards the side of the stage with Puck, he half expected Rachel to run off or call security when she saw them, but as ever, Rachel surprised him when she moved off the stage for the next girl, and walked up to them.

"What are you two doing here?" She mumbled as she put her bra back on,

"We need to bring you home, Kurt is worried sick about you and we all want to talk to you." Puck explained, putting a hand on her shoulder, when she shook her head.

"I'm fine, as you can see.. if you don't get your hands off me, that security guard is going to come over here and remind you of our 'look but no touch' policy." She moved past Puck, who only grabbed her hand,

"Please, Rachel." She shook her head again and glared at him,

"I still have an hour left of my shift, so if you want to wait you can.. but otherwise, I'm not going anywhere." Finn sighed and pushed Puck back, knowing that was the best they were going to get. Puck only gave a small nod before going to sit at a table with the other boy, his eyes not moving from Rachel for the whole hour they waited for her.

She had gone to get changed forty five minutes ago, and Finn looked at his watch, wondering what was taking her so long. It's not like she had a lot of clothing to change out of, he thought to himself as he watched Puck bite his lip and look at his mobile for the hundredth time. "She's snuck out back, hasn't she?" He finally said,

"Probably." Finn muttered, shaking his head before he got up and walked out of the bar, kicking the wall in frustration when he finally got out of there. Slamming his fist down on the hard brick wall before Puck came out and put a hand on his shoulder, "Let's try a few bars close to here, I doubt she would have gone too far. She's not gone back to the apartment, I just asked Quinn."

Finn could only nod as he ignored the pain in his foot and his hand, walking towards the first bar they saw, and the second, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth. Until finally they saw her, grinding up against some guy, both of them clearly drunk as he kissed her neck, and Rachel nibbled on his ear lobe. Puck groaned and went up to her, grabbing her, glaring at the guy before throwing the girl over his shoulders and walking out of the bar.

"Well, that was simple." Finn muttered to himself before going to follow the two, staying silent the whole way home as Rachel punched Puck's back, asking him to put her down. Puck remained silent, until he dropped her down in her apartment just twenty minutes later.

"I went through hell trying to get her here." He groaned, rubbing his back as he pushed her further into the room, rolling his eyes when she stumbled. "Just sit the fuck down, got it?" Kurt sighed and took Rachel's hand,

"Come on sweetie, we'll go put you in the bath, okay?" He spoke to her as you would a scared child, walking her to the bathroom slowly, afraid she would run away if he made one wrong move. "I'll be back soon." He said to those in the room, before shutting the bathroom door behind him.

~ .. ~

Kurt washed Rachel's back gently, "I'm sorry, Kurt." She whispered, having finally sobered up as he washed her carefully, both of them in complete silence up until that moment.

"Don't be, Rachel.. you're hurting, you've gone about it the wrong way but you have nothing to be sorry for." He gently washed her hair, looking at the girl as a tear fell down her face. "Rachel.. tell me why this happened, please.."

"I-I.. I just broke." She murmured, bringing her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tight around them. "I tried so hard to put all the pieces together, no matter how many times people tried to break me, and in the end, Finn was the only thing keeping me together.. I-I was hanging by a thread, I admit, but he was holding the pieces together and then I lost him and there was no need to keep holding on.." She took a deep breath, the tears falling heavier, "I knew I would break someday.."

Kurt nodded in understanding, wiping his own tears, "It wasn't just Finn, was it? Everyone is wrong.. he told us about the miscarriage.. b-but there's more, isn't there?" Rachel bit her lip, turning to look at her best friend, the only person she had allowed to stay in her life all this time – she could have moved out ages ago, but she didn't want to say goodbye to her old life completely, and Kurt was always the best friend she had ever had.

"You know.. m-my dads.. they used to lock me in the cupboard if I ever did something wrong." Her voice came out in a broken whisper, "I lost a competition once, and they kept me in there for twenty-four hours so I could think about everything I had done wrong. I was never a vegan out of choice, it was a strict diet they kept me on and it seemed like a better excuse as to why I wasn't eating so much... they were the first people to try and break me. But I tried to not let them because it was what they wanted.. so I stayed strong." She gave a firm nod of her head, before a sob escaped her mouth.

Kurt was in shock, as he threw his arms around her, rubbing her bare back as he cried with her. He had never thought anything badly of the two men – he had only met them once, at graduation, they had never been to any of Rachel's performances with the Glee club and he was pretty sure he didn't see them at West Side Story and all those times he had been at her house, they were never there. If anything, he would have described them as neglectful.. but never physically abusive. He held her close to him as she cried, not being able to stop the tears that trailed down her face.

He felt reality slap him in the face as he held her to him, knowing Finn wasn't going to be able to fix this on his own. It was never just about Finn, like everyone had so cruelly assumed, it was so much more than that. So much more.


	4. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: See last chapters.

Dancing with the Devil

Chapter Three

She had been happy, once upon a time. She had been able to laugh and smile, and sing and dance but everything, everything just got too much. She was finally free in New York, free to make her own mistakes and free to berate herself for them instead of relying on some messed up, perfectionist views of the men who had brought her up to believe she had to do everything just right. When she was growing up, she had to tell herself to work harder than she ever had before, to carry on working so she could be the best, so she could be better and when she got to New York, she could have focused on that. Instead, she found herself quickly turning her entire life around, making changes she never thought she would.

Her legs wrapped around the pole, as she bent her back down, smirking at the regular customer she saw when she did, before she lifted herself back up. Her toned legs moving up and down the pole, seducing those around her – it was very much like the tango, she thought to herself. She had to seduce the audience; she had to believe she was sexy and use her body in that way. She was good at the tango, she knew that as well as her dance teacher did, and it only made her even sexier when she turned back to her night job. The drugs were a bonus, getting drunk was an even bigger bonus, the sex was something she could live without but something that got her through some nights.

She wanted Finn though. She still wanted him, seeing him made her want him even more. Seeing him made her want to run back into his arms and sob, and tell him everything that she felt, and what had happened and begging him never to leave her again. She resisted that though, it was something the old Rachel would have done, something she could never do because she didn't want to let herself in for the heartbreak. She was too exhausted to deal with picking up the pieces of her shattered heart all over again.

But, once, she had been happy and everyone was so sure she could get that back. She had believed it to be true, a long time ago and now, all she saw was faces of the people who never knew what her life was truly like. People who assumed she had to have it all perfect because she was good at acting – could she put that on her experience track list? She managed to pretend for years and years that she was okay, that she wasn't unhappy at home, that her dads were amazing. She managed to do all that, and no one ever saw past it. Not Kurt, not Finn, not Mr Schue. No one could see the little girl begging for them to help her, and the thought only made her angry.

She had wanted to scream for help; the moment she knew it was wrong. Both her dads had been perfectionists, they had wanted the perfect little girl who could sing, and dance and act. They had chosen Shelby specifically for this reason; a talented mother must make for a talented daughter, after all. But, when she got things wrong, it only added to the punishment – why couldn't she be more like Shelby? Perfect, amazing Shelby who had failed her as a mother, but had succeeded in her own musical career. She had never been huge on Broadway, she had never released a CD, but she had been happy, and no one could deny her talent. New York was competitive, Rachel would be lucky if she even got one show on Broadway. At this rate, she'd be lucky if she even made it to graduation.

~ .. ~

Finn kept his head in his hands, as he tried to calm himself down, already failing as he took deep breaths and close his eyes that little bit tighter, in a bid to stop the impending tears falling down his face. He was still in shock, at everything she had become – beautiful, amazing Rachel Berry who had lost her virginity to him, who had given him that amazing… gift, he supposed, and now, she so easily gave it away to the first guy who looked at her. He couldn't believe this had happened; when he left, he had done it for her own good, he thought it would make her better. Instead, he had become one other person who abandoned her, one more person to have let her down, and one more person to have made her cry. He hated himself for it.

She was a star, in every sense of the word, she deserved to shine brightly and he had helped in taking that away from her. He just ran his hands through his short hair before he finally stood up and made his way to her room, where she had stumbled in just an hour before. He was nervous, more so than he had been in a long time before he knocked the door, pushing it open without a warning, mostly because he knew she would tell him to go away. The sight of her on the bed broke his heart, as he slowly walked over to her, just taking a deep breath before he found his fingers running through her hair, "I'm not leaving." He finally announced, watching her eyes flicker open as she bit down on her lip, her eyes displaying her confusion as she shook her head and opened her mouth to speak, but Finn just shook his head and took a deep breath before he moved to lay down next to her. "I'm not leaving you, not ever." His arm wrapped around her tiny body, holding her close enough so she couldn't pull away from him and run out of her own apartment, just to get as far away from her ex-boyfriend as she possibly could.

His words had an air of confidence that he had been lacking for so long, as he looked at her, his eyes meeting with hers before he kissed her forehead and held her that little bit closer. "I love you." He mumbled, the smallest of smiles on his face before he rubbed her arm. Rachel's head moved to rest on his chest, and although the words were not repeated back to him, he couldn't help but grin. It was something, it was an improvement for both of them, at least. He wasn't going to turn around the next day and tell her she couldn't go to the bar, she couldn't do what she had been doing since she got into New York, but he would help her. He would be there for her, he would have to be; he loved her, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
